Should I Watch Porn with My Partner?

At g boutique this question comes up so often! A lot of women are uncomfortable with porn. There’s good reason for this. Most porn is designed for men and, more specifically, for men to masturbate to. So that’s why foreplay scenes in porn seem pretty quick and the actual intercourse scenes seem to go on forever. I’m pretty sure the reason that many women are not comfortable watching porn with their partners is that many of the options out there just aren’t made with women in mind.

Knowing this, if your partner has a strong desire for you to watch together,  I recommend you give it a chance.  However, if it makes you uncomfortable, speak up and have a suggestion ready for a compromise. Here are some ideas:

  • How about trying to read some erotica to each other? Often women like reading and imagining a lot more than the visual. That’s my theory on why the 50 Shades books were sooo much more popular than the films.
  • Want to try something new or get some sex tips? Try watching some informational porn together. Instructional dvd’s by sex experts such as Tristan Taormino or Nina Hartley can be easier on the mind and you just may learn something! There’s something about learning that can help you overcome the aversion to porn.
  • There ARE some dvd’s that are geared towards women’s enjoyment. You may want to seek out porn that speaks to your fantasies! Two of the most popular are New Sensations Romance or Candida Royalle series. These choices are more story based and include a lot more foreplay.
  • Try some classic stuff like Debbie Does Dallas, The Masseuse, Misty Beethoven…It’s so old and almost “vanilla” that it will produce more giggles than anything else.

Have you tried watching by yourself?

If none of this appeals to you, I suggest you screen a few dvd’s and read a few chapters by yourself to figure out where your threshold is. Just putting this out there…lots of women like guy/guy or girl/girl erotica better than guy/girl. Maybe we’ll talk about this more in a future post

Whatever you choose, be honest with your partner and do your best to be true to yourself while honoring each other’s fantasies and desires.

xo,
Cheryl


In my post-divorce dating experiences  I have indeed encountered men who wanted to watch porn with me. I date mostly younger men (in their late 20’s or early 30’s) and they have grown up in a world where internet porn has been extremely accessible.

It’s been so accessible, that it has been suggested that young men are actually getting their sex education from porn. And one of my personal heros, Cindy Gallop, started a company called Make Love Not Porn where real couples having real sex are encouraged to upload their videos. Interesting concept. Not sure I am uploading videos any time soon (though many younger men do want to video sex with me – that is a subject for another blog!)

As I have been exploring my sexuality the last couple years, when it was presented to watch porn together I thought it couldn’t hurt to give it a try. One young man wanted to show me the MILF porn he so adored so that I could talk dirty to him and imitate the women in the videos. This guy had spent A LOT of time with porn. So much that he needed me to act and talk like them in order to have an orgasm (that is called a fetish, by the way). Another wanted to watch what I would describe as mainstream porn and it was fine but it didn’t excite me in the way that I thought it might.

So for me the jury is still out. I think that if a man I was seeing really, really loved porn I would be okay with incorporating it into our sex life. But it really is about being comfortable with it. If you are not. Don’t do it.

xo,
Anne


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