For many years I taught improvisation. As an improv teacher, the biggest hurdle is helping adults retrieve their sense of play from their 5 year old selves. With an active and present sense of play, actors, students and just about anybody learn to be more attached and in synch with the person they are playing with. This is true on stage, in business, at home and, of course, in bed.
So this brings us to sex toys for couples. Yes you should try them. Why? Well, they’re not called toys for nothing. It’s all about playfulness with your partner. I always tell clients that the worst possible scenario is that you will fumble around with the toy, not know what to do with it and it will go down in history as “that time we tried that toys and wound up giggling so hard… oh and by the way, after laughing together for so long, had a really great orgasm… ” That’s one reason why you should try new things.
There are many other reasons as well. I’ll highlight a few:
- Many toys are designed to help couples orgasm simultaneously. This is fun. Then you can both nap together. Try a vibrating cock ring like Screaming Rechargeable O Wow or Je Joue’s mio.
- Frequently a person (yes I said person…men and/or women) need something in addition to intercourse to orgasm.
- Women may need a little extra clitoral stimulation.
- Men may need a little vibration at the base of their penis.
- If you are exploring new areas, especially anal play, a toy is safer, cleaner and easier to use than a body part.
- It’s difficult to achieve g-spot & clitoral stimulation at the same time therefore…the We-Vibe. Wear it during sex and get all kinds of wow!
Did you know there is a toy called Finger Tingles that actually makes your finger the vibrator. When you run your finger along your partner’s skin, they feel the vibration. You actually can’t feel it yourself. It only works with another person. It’s the perfect foreplay massage toy.
If I sound excited about toys for couples, it’s because I am. I think you should try one or two. There’s nothing better than playing together. Whether it results in amazing orgasms or amazing giggles. Try it.
Sex toys have mostly been used in my life for solo activity. They come out when I am in-between partners or when my partner is traveling. Using toys with a partner is something I have only begun exploring, starting post-divorce a couple years ago. It started with a lovely man who was in my life for quite some time. He worked in AIDS prevention and his office was shipped a bunch of complimentary vibrating cock rings from Trojan. He texted me one afternoon that he could snag a couple to see it if piqued my interest and it definitely did! Ever since then, I have been a huge fan of vibrating cock rings and even bought my own rechargeable version with replaceable sleeves (highly recommended – btw).
So as a slightly older woman who is in charge of her own sexuality, I now own quite an arsenal of toys. But I don’t haul them out with each new partner in my life, that’s for sure. Not every man you meet is going to be open to putting a latex sleeve with a vibrating bullet around their cock… I think some men are all about it and some are more conservative. I think you can tell how sexually adventurous and open a man might be to using toys after you have been with them a few times. As I mentioned, I generally use sex toys by myself so using toys with a partner is a concept I am not entirely comfortable with myself. If you really enjoy using toys and want to use them with your parter, bring it up. It’s all about communication.
What I do know is that they make toys now that can be used remotely which is brilliant… and with a partner who travels, they can come in quite handy. Your partner can actually control the toy via an app on their phone and it make it lots of fun to have virtual sex. Have fun!