Oh I have so much to say about this…
First of all, you deserve to be loved and honored like the goddess you are and that includes the most profound pleasure there is…sex. So now, about that fear and awkwardness after it hasn’t been happening for a while.
Your best guide to pleasure is your own self awareness. Know what pleases you, what makes you feel connected & loved, if only for the moment, and have the courage to guide your lover to your own pleasure. Do it in a nice way. Don’t say, “That doesn’t work, do this.” Try, “I love your touch, could you touch me softly right here?”
If it’s been a while, you may have changed a bit. Do some self-exploration first. The Ella, by Lelo, or the Crystal Wand are great toys for self-exploration. No vibration here. You really have to explore what feels good on the inside. Find your g-spot and explore the rest of that sacred space. The more you know, the better tour guide you will be.
Remember, women and men have erogenous zones all over their bodies. Getting back to sex can begin with getting back to full body massage and lots of exploring time together. And kiss! Kiss, kiss, kiss…all over. Suck, blow, bite, tongue, inner lip, outer lip. Try every sensation. Take your time, make sure you feel secure and loved, enjoy and, of course, don’t forget the lube.
What’s it like to get naked and have sex with someone new after you’ve had a major dry spell? Well, for me, it had been several years. My marriage had disintegrated and so had my sex life. And the last time I had a new partner I was 30 years old. At 43 some things had changed. With my body – I am far curvier than my younger years and perimenopause is looming. With my confidence – I know who I am and am comfortable in my own skin and I know how I like to be pleased. With my motivation – marriage is no longer the goal. A rich, full life (including a healthy sex life) is the goal.
I was lucky that my first new partner was basically a good guy. I had a feeling that it might be a little like the very first time I had sex ever and I was right. But I told this guy he was going to be my post-divorce “first”, which he loved, and it was very good that we had this chat. There was blood. It did hurt a little. But it also felt so, so good. And because we discussed it, it wasn’t awkward or unexpected.
I would also say that lube is your friend! And don’t feel weird about bringing out a bottle with a new partner in bed. Men actually adore lube… makes hand and blow jobs tons more pleasurable and everything else a whole lot more fun!