Fantasy or Fetish? And How to Know the Difference.

Meeting new people can be enlightening, exciting and sometimes confusing. If you have taken our class, Sex and the Slightly Older Single Girl, you are probably going out on several dates a week, meeting new men and having great sex. You may also have run into some new ideas in the world of sex and gender. It is very possible that there have been some changes since the last time you were out in the dating world. One thing is for sure, people right now are more open and ready to tell you what they are “into”. Good news is that you get to be open and honest too. You have the right to say, “Yes, I’d be willing to try that” or “No thanks, not for me.” Thanks to the internet and so many women-owned, sex positive boutiques and web sites, there is also a lot of information to help you decide which thresholds you want to step over.

At Grown-Up Women we urge you to do the research and stay safe. It’s awesome to expand your horizons and try something new when you are sure that you understand it and feel safe and confident with your partner.

Sometimes it helps to understand if you are participating in a fantasy or a fetish. Very different…

  • We all have fantasies. Some are sexual, some aren’t. A fantasy is something that comes from your imagination. It is different than the norm and may be fine staying in your imagination. Sometimes, a fantasy can be played out in a sex scene to heighten the sexual energy.
  • Fetish, on the other hand, is something out of the ordinary that needs to exist for that person to achieve sexual arousal and climax. It is necessary! That means that the fetish will be a part of every sexual encounter with that person.

So, if you are with a partner who fantasizes about feet, they can do that in their head while you have sex together and you do not have to be a part of it. If they have a foot fetish, you better get those tootsies ready for some action.

Your choice. Stay safe.

Happy summer. XO- Cheryl

As an older woman, who prefers dating younger men, I run into many men whose fantasy it is to be with an older woman. I have written about this before and remember when I realized that there is actually a category of MILF porn and apparently it is very popular. I really had no idea it was a thing, but I promise you it is!

It’s been very cool to be desired by younger men. It is genuine. And it was a lot of fun until one time it wasn’t.

I met a guy who seemed so crazy for me. He was very passionate. A fantastic kisser. Smart, fun guy. I was very taken with him. As our relationship turned more sexual, he started asking me to do things…. talk dirty to him, wear heels, wear red lipstick, red lace thongs – it was all very specific. Learning to talk dirty was something I had never done before. At first it seemed adventurous to me and I thought I was just stretching my sexual expressiveness. Until I realized that he needed all of that. Every time we were together. Or he couldn’t have an orgasm or even get hard. I had to talk so fucking dirty and it was not at all natural to me. Honestly it was a ton of work to get this guy off. That, ladies, is a fetish.

Fantasies are fun. Fetishes are not.


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